Bitz Interview

Sup lovers. Here's a Bitters interview printed in an unknown magazine in Australia that probably doesn't actually exist. 

A: = Aerin. 

The other = Ben.

Breeds of humans. What kind are you?

A: water elf bird breed.

You are a band that are big on the Toronto 'venue party space' scene?

We are a band that are big in every scene in Toronto because we are super cool and have amazing hair. Other scene's here we triumphantly over-see and are the tastey makers of include; "The Weird Fruit Tasting party Scene", "The Super Self Indulgent Brooding Too Many Guitar Pedals Scene", "The Aerin Fogel Stalker Scene with nerds masturbating in the corners of the venue while we play a gig scene". 

So Aerin, when Ben is touring with Fucked Up you can can play without him. He is dispensible? I think that's the ulitmate diss-to be dispensible

A: if ben were dispensable and i could play without him, i would. but the

real ultimate diss would be sharing the stage with a mediocre guitar

player, in which case i'd be worse off than ben while he rides his

double decker Spice bus between packed stadiums and stage dives with

guitars and broken ribs. so i hang in our haunted studio with the mice

and spirits and exchange anonymous letters on the Wall of Bitterness

(and write the occasional melody to keep up appearances) until Ben

gets home, at which point we can play, because Ben is the best guitar

player and utterly indispensable, duh.

Ben do you tell people that you used to be in a band called No Warning who released records with names like 'Ill Blood' on Bridge Nine?

I don't really go out of my way to tell this to every person that I meet, because that would just be weird, no? I'm socially awkward at times, but not THAT awkward. That being said, the name "iLL BLOOD" is genius, and I'm continued to be given hand jobs all over the world for playing in that band by hardcore dudes in basketball shorts (otherwise known as BONER SHORTS). 

Bitters-one of the worlds more popular digestifs, well that and vanilla

essecne.  I like any drink that is made of bark and roots.Do you have a

favourite brand?

A: out of respect for clueless bartenders, i always ask for campari and

soda figuring they'll at least have a bottle somewhere, but they look

at me like they're thinking about things people can go to jail for. so

i'll stick to the variety of unidentifiable bottles that Ben brings

back as gifts from other parts of the planet.

Ben I heard you are a bit of clepto. What is the most expensive item you have ever stolen?  If you say heart I'm not going to print it unless it was a real live pigs heart that you yanked from its chest cavity while still alive.

Seriously, how the fuck did you hear about this? I guess maybe I talked about it in another interview? You actually did some research before asking these questions huh? thats kind of impressive. My celpto days are over after it made certain members of Fucked Up uncomfortable. They thought I might get busted and destroy the bands chances at ever playing in Europe again (which is where I was stealing everything from at the time). I have never stolen a pigs heart, but I have eaten one. The most expensive thing I have ever stolen would be a CAR, or a guitar.... but those days are long gone. 

Have you heard of Unicum? It's Hungarian. I believe they drink it by the

pint over there. There is also Unicum Lite.

A: actually, our next single is a rod stewart-inspired dank punk anthem

that details the secret ingredients of unicum. the single is being

released by an italian label that distributes strictly in japan, and

every record comes with a 1oz unicum sampler.

Captured Tracks apparently are a label to watch but you guys go and release stuff on every other label imagainable except Warp. As Geraldo would say, "Care to explain?"

Captured tracks is ill. Geraldo is jewish like Aerin. Geraldo is hard too. I loved watching footage of him getting beat up or socking dudes in the face.. I forget why he'd do this.. Probably for some political reason that I'd disagree with (but kind of also not really care about).. but you know.. still, entertaining. The reason we put out records on millions of cool labels is being A) we are sick, and B) we happen to be friends with people who run cool labels... It's actually just a huge coincendence. I like to do records with people that I know, people that I've talked to face to face and are friends. People that I know will do a good job. It just so happens that their labels are bangin' (Woodsist, True Panther, Sacred Bones, Wild World). 

Aerin do you call your keyboard a 'synth'?.

A: no, i call my synthesizer a synth.

Besides continuing to be the Canadian Jay Reatard what is next for Young Guv?

I'm gonna start being the Canadian Jeremy Jordan.

(for real, this song is amazing, I really want to be him - if you don't like it, I hate you)

I will start playing gigs one day with Guvnor, and then eventually sign to a big label, get really famous and rich, and have a bit of pee sex with Rory from the Gilmore girls. Wouldn't that be a hoot? 

The song 'Warrior' is anthemtic. Of what I'm not sure? The American Civil

War?

A: warrior is a bit more singular than the american civil war. it's more

an anthem for everyday all-applicable coats of armour, the kind that

will fit people of all shapes and sizes and is irremovable by mere

physical exertion. but, so, it's also a bit of a How To guide on

coming across a person wearing an all-applicable coat of armour, how

to avoid getting stabbed by their sword during casual conversation and

such.

Who is that dude in Toronto who YouTubes himself dancing to songs? Is that a barometer of having 'made it' in the Canadian music industry? Career Suicide can now finally retire.

Haha. That guy's name is Mike Long. I know him from hardcore and punk shows from when I was a teenager. Me and the fucked up dudes didn't really like him, I'm not sure anyone did. So annoying. He was one of those guys with absolutely no musical talent (his band was called Ew Youre A Girl And Girls Suck [not kidding]), but really liked to draw attention to himself by any means whether it was posting dumb shit about people on internet message boards or wearing an ironic t shirt to a show. He's one of those guys that will probably write really ass-backwards snobby music reviews for shitty publications one day. Seeing him do that bullshit dancing on youtube (I would take his ass to school on a dancefloor, and I'm not talking some hipster pogo dance shit to career suicide.. I'm talking sexy moves with babes, legit lover style to some real bangin' tracks) to super trendy awful songs makes perfect sense to me. Thing's haven't changed. That guy is a fucking wanker, and so are the rest of the 'canadian music industry'.. except the people that vote for Fucked Up to win the Polaris Prize.. Those people are beautiful. 

When I hear it I think that this song is made for a music video. Do you have

one? What would you like it to feature. For some reason I'm thinking the he

old dude in Amores Pereors who has all the stray dogs following him?

A: if you're thinking of El Chivo from Amores perros, he's a bit haggard

to be a warrior. and all his dogs die. the Warrior version of that

scene would just be one dog, a boxer not a mongrel, who would be hard

enough to survive til at least the end of the film.

If you were to write the music for the David Attenbouroght Planet Earth box set DVD what part would you like to write. Lava/volcano?

It would be over that scene when the ducks have babies in the tree, and then all the little baby ducklings have to jump out of the tree and land on the soft mossy forest ground and they bounce and look really cute. The recording would just be a solo'd vocal track of aerin and i, with a little bit of reverb, and the lyrics would go like this "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwww".